Tag: IRL

Hibernation Station

Hope ZaneGeneral

I’ve been hibernating lately. I had a bad couple of weeks, and now things are better-ish. I feel pretty good.

I’ve been cross stitching a lot, and (related) watching a lot of The Rookie (2018 cop TV show) of all things. It is not that good! I have binged like 4 seasons in a few weeks!! It’s possible at this point that I am only watching this because I am somehow incredibly invested in Tim and Lucy getting together. I don’t even ship het. What is even happening.

I’ve also been drawing and painting a lot, and writing a lot, too. I started working on the sequel to The Fox and the Rose again, and I still love this project as much as I ever did.

I’ll show you some of what I’m working on sometime, but for now I’m going back to writing. ✌️😚

Edit: This is now lowkey a liveblog

11:11pm – I am lowkey obsessed with how Lucy is insane levels of jealous every time anyone is nice to Tim or Tim is nice to anyone. Aaron looks like an excited puppy getting to ride with Tim. Lucy looks like she’s about to do a murder.

Hard (??) Times (???)

Hope ZaneGeneral

It’s occurred to me that I can just straight up use Tiktok et al wrong.

No I will not be elaborating at this time!


…but unrelated, man it feels kind of hard to be a person these days, doesn’t it?

I’ve been kind of happy knowing less these days. I’m barely on social media (if you’re here because you clicked a link on social media, hi!) This blog is a bit of an echo chamber, but I kind of like that. I like saying things and not necessarily hearing anyone saying anything back.

Which isn’t to say I don’t love you, but more that I want to hear myself think.

I think a lot, these days, about something Zadie Smith said in an interview:

“I have seen on Twitter, I’ve seen it at a distance, people have a feeling at 9 a.m. quite strongly, and then by 11 have been shouted out of it and can have a completely opposite feeling four hours later. That part, I find really unfortunate,” she said. “I want to have my feeling, even if it’s wrong, even if it’s inappropriate, express it to myself in the privacy of my heart and my mind. I don’t want to be bullied out of it.”

I think I’m also looking for the ability to be wrong, you know? Or at least to have my thoughts independent of validation.

It does get a bit lonely sometimes. I’ve been playing a lot of Skyrim again recently—that’s kind of new, like the fact that I’ve been cross stitching. I’m picking up hobbies that I used to love a long time ago. I put most of them down because they didn’t seem very productive, but frankly, fretting about being productive is also not very productive. Also it makes me unhappier.

Politics and the news are freaking me out these days, as I assume they’re freaking everyone out. I don’t know, I am trying to manage. I assume that you are, too. I just cooked some pork chops, and I am probably going to go and eat them while watching bad TV.

Maybe later I will write a little and be wrong about something.

Serial update: Also! We are currently up to chapter 13 in Koreatown. And I’m writing something about Chaeyong and witches (Fairytale character cameo incoming).

Dog bite?! More kpop, more kdrama, and a new serial

Hope ZaneGeneral

I’ve been straight up obsessed with Devil by the Window by TXT for a couple of days now. I’m also neck deep in watching the kdrama Secret Relationships, which I clicked on purely by chance, but god I saw the twist coming, and yet it’s still so fucking good.

I got attacked by a dog the other day? So that was less than awesome. My foot hurts, and I can’t really walk on it, but it’s okay with meds and keeping off it. I’m on antibiotics and really hoping that ish doesn’t get infected. Ughhh.

I’m still not convinced this isn’t a very stupid idea, but I’ve been serializing one of my new BL books here. I’m having a really good time writing it. I hope you’ll have a good time reading it. I agonized so hard over the pricing structure because I really honest to god do not want to feel like I’m ripping anyone off!! I’d make it cheaper if I weren’t already getting murdered on the payment processing fees at $0.99.

I’m… trying things. Undoing things, trying them again. Thinking long and hard and then trying not to think because I still want to be more of a writer than a… what. Marketer? I don’t know. Trying to make it out alive, like we all are. Rising costs of living are murder, huh?

It is almost time for more pain meds, and then I think I’m going to try to write again. Wish me luck with crossed fingers, if you can.

The existential uh-ohs can’t catch you if you’re flat

Hope ZaneGeneral

I am extremely tired today, like the fully wrung-out, lay flat tired. I had jury duty today, and the process was A Lot. The whole month has been a lot.

I have a new book coming out tomorrow, but book releases have always been quiet affairs for me. I am most excited about my stories while I’m actually writing them, living in them, when everything feels white-hot and vital.

Presenting a book to an audience feels more like showing off a piece of beach glass. Beautiful and worthy, but evidence of where the lightning struck rather than the lightning itself. I hope that doesn’t sound full of myself.

Which is to say that I’ve been living inside other books these days, and those feel vital to me. Lively.

I’ve been cross stitching and crocheting, drawing and looking for inspiration everywhere. I think I am trying to find peace.

I hope you check out the book, and that you like it if you read it. Here is a strange sticker I saw the other day as tribute.

a yellow fire hydrant with a holoraphic sticker on it of a person bending down with the caption "but did you stretch?"

Thank you for everything, grandma.

Hope ZaneGeneral

I spent a lot of time with my family this weekend, and I went to my grandma’s funeral yesterday. I might have something to say about that… later.

I wrote a story about her, and it means a lot to me. I’m not quite sure if I feel like sharing it yet.

I’m kind of negotiating the balance between public and private life.

You probably didn’t know her, but my grandma was named Beverly, and I swear to god there was no one in this world like her. She could have talked the sky green. She was a little bit magic that way, she could talk to anyone about anything, make things possible that weren’t before, just by connection.

My dad is so much like her. He says I am, too.

I’d really like to be. I don’t think I am yet, but maybe I’m a baby bear growing into what it’ll one day be.

I feel like I have some big shoes to fill because the world seems smaller without her.

But all that’s for later. There are things I’d like to do, and be, and become, but today feels like a day for tender-hearted grieving, still. The words are coming slow. I am fully about to go get some McDonald’s about this as part of my campaign to be kind to myself as much as anyone else.

Take care of yourselves out there.