A list of thoughts in no particular order:
- I need to stop wearing my contacts for so long that they make my eyes hurt
- I’ve developed a mochi waffle addiction
- Lately I often find myself in situations where I don’t know what to say
Category: General
Longform content vs. the mob
Today I’m looking back at some longform essays I’ve written as blogs on other parts of the internet and thinking that the world—or at least my world—was better when that was the way we primarily communicated before shortform content rotted all of our brains (and here I am @ing myself).
I think the thing that skeeves me out when it comes to writing longform content, which is to say exposing more of my innermost thoughts and feelings than can fit into an extremely cultivated PR-friendly soundbyte, is the fact that the internet is forever and the things we post here never really die. It’s less that I’m afraid I’ll say something offensive and more that I’m afraid my cringe will live on forever, long after I’ve stopped believing whatever it was I’ve said, or that saying it is a good idea.
But you know, as cringy as I find some of the things I’ve posted on the internet two, five, ten years ago, it’s fascinating to see the record of who I’ve been and what I’ve believed so strongly as to write it down and make it public. And often, too, there are little bits of wisdom there that I’ve forgotten, or else I think that past version of me is braver than I am now.
My therapist would point out that if you were to ask that old version of myself, they would say the same thing; it’s easy to glamorize the past and harder to admit that more or less, we are made of the same stuff in perpetuity. Same cringe, same bravery, same heart.
I am cringing already.
But cringe is dead, or something. And it does occur to me at times that no one will really know me if I never let myself be known. Maybe there’s another essay coming sometime soon about how the recent insane-person drama in a fandom I’m involved in has seriously wigged me out and given me a stomachache for the last week, and how I have inexplicably found a new hobby this year and that hobby is “pencils.”
I’m basically always just trying to make interesting work, share other people’s interesting work that I find, and to generally be a force of kindness and goodness in the world. You know, no big deal.
Everybody Scream
Here I can take up the whole of the sky
Unfurling, becoming my full size
I’ll admit that I didn’t really “get” “Everybody Scream” by Florence + the Machine the first time or even the first few times I heard it. But I really can’t stop listening to this performance. It’s incredible. I’m so looking forward to the album.
the wheels on the bus
You might have noticed that I keep posting serials and then being like nvmd actually.
I eternally vascilate between “writing ‘in public’ in the fanfiction way is peak” and “actually I want to disappear into my cave and emerge with a book in 3-4 months; nobody talk to me.
There are two wolves, etc etc except one of these wolves keeps undoing the other wolf’s work.
I am trying so hard to finish something. Literally anything. My bibiliography seems to indicate that I can finish books! So why is it that lately I feel like I can finish exactly nothing? The unpublished words keep stacking, and with it, so does my S T R E S S.
I need to sell books and pay my rent; I resent capitalism and want to be an Artist. It is what it is.
I’m flighty. I start a lot of WIPs. I don’t abandon them, but sometimes it takes me quite a while to circle back around. It’s less writer’s block and more “writer wants to work on everything simultaneously.”
I’ve been working on a mafia-ish thing. You can read part of it here. I have more written than I’ve posted. Hideya and Ruby give me cezhou vibes a little bit (for the girlies* who’ve read QJJ, iykyk)
Anyway, I’ve also been drawing and crocheting a lot lately. I’m trying to make this enormous, gloriously obnoxious Santa blanket.
The Fox and the Rose has also been out of Kindle Unlimited for a hot minute, and I still haven’t put it up wide on other stores yet >.> I realize that looks super goofy and I hope to fix that asap!!
#using the blog as a blog #witness the author’s slow breakdown that hopefully is still kind of cute #pray for me y’all