red envelopes for the wrong new year

Happy New Year, friends.

I hope your New Year’s Eve was lovely. Mine was uh… loud. The place where I live is surrounded by neighbors setting off fireworks for miles, all of it shooting up into the sky like a long-distance conversation of noise and light.

I also got co-opted for a neighbor’s drum concert, set live in a storage closet, fog machine and strobe lights included. Like I said—loud.

  • I posted an AU of an upcoming book on AO3 yesterday: Safe to Hold.
  • And idk if anyone here partakes in Amazon, but if so, The Electric Hymnal is free until January 4th. aka the one with the Catholic incubus. This book has always been kind of an unloved little duckling, but it still has a soft spot in my heart.

Thanks for sticking by me through another year. I really hope 2025 is the best year to come for all of us. If you’ve fought your way through 2024 tooth and nail, I hope you get some well-deserved rest. And if you’re tired of resting and ready to shake things up, I hope 2025 gives you plenty of opportunity to do the things you care about.

Love you! See you in the new year <3

Pretty blorbo creep

This is probably one of the dumbest things I do, but sometimes I think about whatever the equivalent of power creep is in my books—pretty blorbo creep. The point of diminishing returns on loveliness? All of my characters are the fairest in the land, but occasionally I’ve sat down and tried to rank them for my own edification.

Here’s my current list, btw, from most to least beautiful. This is completely unserious:

  • White
  • Nice / Galahad (sorry, they’re tied)
  • Lynx
  • Charis
  • Durant

White and Nice have the edge on being supernaturally lovely. Galahad is just freakishly beautiful despite being completely human. Lynx and Charis are bringing up the rear as also human, but, you know, kpop idols so still gorgeous. I think Durant has more charm than bewitching good looks, but I do think he’s very handsome, too.

I want to toss another character up there, but if I did, I’d have to out myself on my Super Secret Pen Name, and I’m not sure I’m ready for that commitment yet 😛

Sickness and Health

It’s been a really rough month and a half. First I caught covid, which led to a really scary asthma exacerbation, and now I’m dealing with some really exhausting side effects while adjusting to new medication. I’m not having a good time, guys.

Which I say just because… I want to say something. To let you know how I’m doing and not just disappear. I’d like it if it was something more positive and fun, but, well, this is where I’m at.

I’m trying my best and trying to be kind to myself in these times. Hopefully I’ll feel good about writing again soon. <3

When she’s hungry, she looks for the garden

I love Annie Dillard. I love her writing, which seems to possess a kind of singular beauty. I’m once again thinking of this quote of hers and finding it at once bolstering and convicting:

One of the few things I know about writing is this: spend it all, shoot it, play it, lose it, all, right away, every time. Do not hoard what seems good for a later place in the book, or for another book; give it, give it all, give it now. The impulse to save something good for a better place later is the signal to spend it now. Something more will arise for later, something better. These things fill from behind, from beneath, like well water. Similarly, the impulse to keep to yourself what you have learned is not only shameful, it is destructive. Anything you do not give freely and abundantly becomes lost to you. You open your safe and find ashes.

– Annie Dillard

I confess I haven’t felt like much of a writer lately. My words have slowed down. I’ve been prioritizing other things. Life and health have become sometimes sad—maybe moreso than usual. This will pass, and yet it still seems hard.

Ah, I want to end this blog post triumphantly, but maybe it’s most honest to say that writing is still someplace I can go. That even when the light on the porch of my own creative practice seems dark and dim, it never goes out completely.

And there has to be something very hopeful in that.